Yay, finally fixed my blog. Figured out last night what was wrong with it, and I actually remembered to fix it today. It appears that my template got deleted while thee guys at blogger.com were reconstructing the site. Not really sure How it got deleted, but it did. So I had to get a new one, and since I was to lazy to find my old one I just grabbed a new one. I think this one makes my blog quite a bit nicer though, so now I'll probably reread my blog more often ;)

It actually looks sort of like Ordered Chaos now, as the site itself is orderly yet my thoughts are not. I'm also starting to get back into the posting mindset again, so perhaps I'll start posting every couple of days now, although I'm not really sure what I'lld o and of course only time will tell. if reality is something more than an illusion of the mind, and if it isn't this won't prove anything, will it?

G'night

Lifebane@optonline.net

another weird dream today, not sure why, but ohwell. I can't really remember that much of it, although I did go over it mentally before. Some of the same people in this one as in one of the ones I had last night. It was a cool dream, but I'm not really in the mood to talk about it. I said I'd try and interrupt my dream tonight and I will, even if I'm currently unable to update my blog *growl*, gotta scream at somebody if that doesn't start working fairly soon. Or at least try and fix it within the next couple of days... Hmmm, well here goes nothing...


Ok, the group of warriors I was traveling with most likely represented my peers, friends, or perhaps even society in general, although I'm leaning toward the Peer answer. Anyway, they were warriors and I was a battle mage, meaning that I view myself as someone... not neccessarily more important, but more unique, or more valued than I do the rest of my group (peers). My attempts to turn into a mage actually reflects my want of a genius level iq, and my inability to get it. The strain of the spell I tried to cast as a mag,e was the effort I'm putting into it (most likely consciously and unconsciously). However my decision to give up and surrender to what I am, most likely indicates that I feel on some level that I should give up and accept myself as who and what I am. Once I return to my battle-mage state, I start to flourish again, surpassing my peers, and doing the best that I can possibly do without any of the strain of trying to be something I'm not.

That actually reminds me of something I had forgotten up until this moment, when I went back into the forest to fight as a battlemage, I was smiling as I was fighting. Which I guess would mean that I at least think I can be happy if I let myself, be me.

Whoa, its been forever since I last posted, so I figure I'll do something I haven't done in a while on this post - Post a dream. I typed it up anyway, so I might as well use that telling of it ;)

I was traveling through a forest with a group of warriors (d&d style sort of)
and I was a weird type of battle mage instead of just a mage with battle oriented spells
oh yeah Paladin that's the word just more like an evil paladin (anti-paladin) heh mage/warrior
sort of and I was trying to become more of a mage and less of a warrior
(there's a lot more, but this is just the basic idea)
there was an attack at the village we were at and I was trying to cast spells
and none of them would work (this was the lucid part)
like I tried to cast a huge firebolt and nothing happened
I could feel my body straining in the effort to produce it tho
and this kept up and after helping these people (they might have been kids, not sure) into a trapdoor/escape route)
I just gave up the mage technique and started hacking and slashing and I tried to cast a spell and the dream ended
I'm not really sure if it worked I think the spell probably did
but I'm not totally sure and well the next dream was connected to it
oh yeah I missed something the trapdoor was right next to the edge of the forest
and so when I decided to fight like a warrior
or battlemage or something as opposed to a mage I ran into the forest


I'm not really sure how to interrupt it, but I'll try. Not tonight though, I'll do it tommorow probably, but this way I have something to motivate me to come back