So here I am, doing everything I can, holding on to what I am, pretending I'm a superman. Also known as listening to an endless loop of Superman by Goldfinger and Purple Pills by D12 weird combo, yet strangely enough they compliment each other. Of course it could just be that I'm completely crazy, in which case you might want to just ignore me for a few... Until I take over the world anyway. You ignoring me would just be one of the first steps, once your back is turned I'll rise in power quickly and become a dictator in some small island nation, and build a thermonuclear arsenal and uhhh, play with it? ;)

I really need to start quoting some new music, I've been obsessed with the same few songs for a couple of we... mon... uhh a long ass time? ;) It's been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry. I'll grab the rest later, although I don't know how much I can quote that, even if it is a kickass song, and for those poor deprived souls out their who don't know what this song is, like I myself did not know, till it was published :( It Is One Week by The BareNaked Ladies

chickity china the chinese chicken your have a drum stick and your brain stops ticking... ok so maybe I can quote it, but I might have trouble using it in context...

I opened this like 2 horus ago and than I minimized everything and this went ot my desktop so I forgot about it, ah well. I'm posting it now because I'm about to go out for a few, who knows when Next I'll write? Maybe in a few hours, perhaps? Or upon the dawning of the witching hour... Or whenever the hell the voices in my head tell me to...


Lifebane@optonline.net

I'm feeling better today, sorta. Really hungry right now though :( Uhhh no clue, I'll write some more later just felt like saying something...

I'm just relaxing for a few now... I'm not in the best position to meditate right now, so maybe I'll move in a few and get more comfortable right now I'm just gonna try and breathe properly for a few...

well, I'm somewhat relaxed now, and after getting relaxed I feel SO FUCKING HORNY... it's not even funny, I need sex.. bad... any kind would do... It hopefully won't be as bad tommorow, but It'll still be pretty bad, I need to try and hook up with someone rather badly... Must take over the world...

Ahh, the wonderous trees
The flowing wind
Pushing past me
The landscape gliding past
Without an effort on its part
The cows go moo
and the earth goes bye
But I'm just here
standing still
unable to cope
moving like a snail

ok uhh that sucked shit and I wanna burn it, yet I'm to lazy to fix it... ah well... later maybe?

I'm just relaxing for a few now... I'm not in the best position to meditate right now, so maybe I'll move in a few and get more comfortable right now I'm just gonna try and breathe properly for a few...

well, I'm somewhat relaxed now, and after getting relaxed I feel SO FUCKING HORNY... it's not even funny, I need sex.. bad... any kind would do... It hopefully won't be as bad tommorow, but It'll still be pretty bad, I need to try and hook up with someone rather badly... Must take over the world...

Ahh, the wonderous trees
The flowing wind
Pushing past me
The landscape gliding past
Without an effort on its part
The cows go moo
and the earth goes bye
But I'm just here
standing still
unable to cope
moving like a snail

ok uhh that sucked shit and I wanna burn it, yet I'm to lazy to fix it... ah well... later maybe?

of course as soon as I try and make a post, my computer crashes... but I was basically saying that I'm gonna go totally fucking crazy over the next week or so, no more of this holding back shit, I had originally planned on tryign to keep this pg-13-R for no real reason, but it's going R-nc-17, because I fucking feel like it. I'm planning although I might not do it that way, to do this as a stream of conscious type thing, as in whatever I think I type. I might pick a subject each day and just write about that fucking thing or I might not, But whatever the fuck I feel like saying I will. And maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to understand it, because for some odd reason I feel like typing the word 'fucking' every 3 sentences. and I don't know why the fuck that is... weird shit, eh?

And I'm so confused
about what to do
sometimes I just wanna throw it all away
controlling everything in sight

no fucking clue what the hell is going through my mind right now, so I'm just gonna think for a few, type whatever the hell comes into my head, with a few exceptions, maybe in a few I'll do that, but right now if I do, not even the fucking voices in my head would know what the fuck I'm talking about....

Hmmm, direction... focus... concentration... none of which I have right now... I haven't slept well in about a week, and my concentration is shot to hell I'm trying desperately to focus on something, and I'm unable to just ignore my surroundings, the tv in the background really isn't helping... Relax... Relax... Relax... Relax... focus, be one with the keyboard let the pelasant sound of the constant tapping of my fingers on the keyboard relax and focus my strength, let the waves of relaxation flow through me, releasing theta waves into my body, relax... relax... relax... focus fix... understand... repair... save yourself/myself... as your attention flows upward through the body let the body relax, let the mind become all... relax... focus... let the creative juices flow and stir, yet let the concentration and focus multiply let the body relax... breathe deeply... relax... relax... relax... going faster, spinning around... trying to explore the inner depths of the soul, focus on nothing and everything breath in and out and in and out with the eys closed let the mind picture the surroundings, the open file,d the plane, the car that was taken to drive into the countryside. Le tthe body walk through, let your Self walk through, cross the path, leave the path... head towards the fence in the background, the clear emptiness of the field walk through it towards the fence, towards the gate, the gate that seperates the blankess from the totality of reality, the unending fields of green treens, plants, flowers freshness, purity let all negative thoguhts flow from your body as you pass this gate, walk onto the trail, Your trail. This is the trail that you have created, that no other, that you let not, can pass through. all others are stopped by the fence, the gate and the path. This is your world, to do with as you wish. Wsaalk down the path, noticing the beautiful greeness of nature relaxing your physical body while you move with your astral body, your mental body, your true sSelf walk down the path, hunt for the branches, notice every detailw ithin the path, realize that this is your Self not your body, not your mind, but the end all the start all, the alpha and the omega, the beginning of your life and the end of your life. Your soul, this path is the gateway to your unconscious, it is a representation of who and what you are, walk down it, slowly, quickly at whatever pace you so desire, as you walk further on, realize that you're beginning to hear the soft sounds of water running down a stream, going over rocks and small drops, as you attempt to head towards this though, you trip on a small rock, reminding you of the need to ocus, to concentrate, not just on the future, but also on the present, the path through life, the path to the unconscious, control, flow, release, go... You sense that you are nearing the path to reach tthe stream, reaching it, you decide to go down it and explore, you walk down the path a short distance, when suddenly you see a deer in the distance eating, yet it is not a deer. It is something else... freedom... seprituality... another part of your self...

I'm very hard pressed on whether or not to spell check that... whether to leave it as it is or whether I should mess with it... I think it's understandable so it's gonna stay the way it is... more later... maybe?

I've got a somewhat interesting English Lit assignment, wherein I basically have to write 5 poems and or short stories. Could be fun, and it probably will be. I'm so tempted to try and write an epic poem for it, but I know that I'll get like half-way through and than I'll just get distracted and be unable to finish it. I think I'm gonna use one of the poems I've already written, although I will fix it up quite a bit. A friend asked me to write a love poem for him during one of my classes (not for Him, but for his girl-friend) and I had to rush it since their was only 20 or so minutes left in the period. It didn't help that I had to write it instead of typing it, I type so much fucking faster than I write... like almost 5x the speed. I type around 109 words per minute (wpm) although it's 101 adjusted with around 92% accuracy, unless of course my computer is acting up like it is now... lagging like a bitch, so half the keys I'm hitting aren't getting registered :(

As soon as she (my teacher) started explaining the assignment to us the words of The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe came into my head for some reason, it was fairly weird since I can't think of anything that would connect those two? Maybe because it's the only poem that I've enjoyed reading at school. (Actually I guess The Raven should be quoted, eh?)

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary
over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore
while I nodded nearly napping, suddenly their came a tapping
as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door
Tis some vistior I muttered, rapping at my chamber door
only this and nothing more

Ah distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak december
and as each seperate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor
Eagerly I wish the morrow, vainly I had tried to borrow
sureace of sorrow - sorrow for the lost lenore
Ah the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named lenore
nameless here forevermore

and as the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
thrilled me, filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before
and so to still the beating of my heart I stood repeating
Tis some visitor at my chamber door
only this and nothing more

That's all I'm fairly confident in, I don't relaly want to look it up right now
and I unfortunetly haven't gone over it mentally, or visually in a long time, sorry people...

After that I got home, sat on the computer for a couple and went out and had dinner at a Chinese Buffet (yeah I know I shouldn't capitalize that, but i feel like it, and why the fuck am I defending myself constantly from myself? Ah well...I'll try and stop that). It was pretty good, but the main point of interest to me was the family on my right. Mother, Father and 2 young sons (maybe 6 and 8? possibly 10 for the older one), so adorable. It reminded me of when I was younger and how I used to fool around with my sister, although not in the same way these kids did. I never used to crawl Under the table to kick my sister, I used to do it from my seat, even if I had to slide down a 'little' bit to reach her shin, and then blame it on someone else of course ;) More than that though, it made me wanna be the older bro, I miss being young and as all the voices in my head surely know, I want a little bro :p I watched whiel I drank my tea and waited for the rest of the people I was with to finish ( and yes I did manage to keep up a somewhat basic conversation while I fantasized about them).

My law class is pretty cool right now, we're doing a mock trial in it and I'm the judge for this case (State vs Randall for any things that are curious). I'm lording over everybody, letting my aggressiveness take control and making them follow the rules of the court to the letter. Although I have started to let little things slide sometimes, but a lot of the things I've got to call them on or I lose points on my grade. The teacher I think is impressed with the job I'm doing, or at the very least satisfied. Even if I'm this far away from giving 3 different people contempt of court, which in this instance will half their grade ;) THE POWER!!!! Hmm, I think that was my day in it's entirety, give or take a few little things that don't really matter. (staring at random people, random conversations, more randomness, etc.)

All my mem., resources are currently in use, so I loaded this since it takes up about as much RAM as notepad, but has word wrap among other things. I'm gonna try and work on the story I started yesterday, even though I don't have any of the shit I've previously written to help me with what I'm gonna 'try' and write now...


Time passes and seasons change

The grains of sand fall swiftly down the hourglass of time, indicating the passing of seasons, the growth, death and rebirth of natures children.

Power beyond mortal comprehension, True Comprehension, lying just beneath the surface, existing in volcanoes, tectonic plates, millions of tons of water running over a cliff, splashing on rocks with a force akin to that of God. Crushing, Destroying, Obliterating all that lies in its wake.

A movement within the earth, a fraction of an inch, the subtlest shifting of a portion of the upper crust of a planet. Chaos, Death, Mayhem.

Heat, rolling in waves, sparking the dry wood, burning with the passion of nature, flaming higher and higher. Annihilating, Rebirthing, Purifying everything that lies in its path.







working on this as we speak, but I don't wanna lose it so I'll post and update it intermittently (sp?)

hmmm... I won about 225 bucks in AC last night, parents won about 450 more than that though, so I've got the money I needed for camp now. Just about anyway. But I'm not on an incredibly tight budget anymore! So I might be able to go out and do shit with some of my friends now. I also sorta joined the baseball team at my school so I'm started to get a tan, and get into good shape again! For some weird reason after one practice I'm in better shape than I was after a couple months of wrestling, I think I lost like 5 pounds and my muscles got hard again.

Got distracted for another hour, but that's mostly because I'm so tired. I fell asleep around 6 am today and woke up at around 1 30 pm. Nothing much else happened, I don't even remember having any cool dreams lately. But right now I'm just so bored...

Oh yeah! I started to write a story, and I'm really trying to work on it, it's sort of based on "What if god was one of us" specifically the lines...

"What if god was one of us, Just a slob like one of us, Just another guy on the bus, Trying to find his way home" I think that's right, but I'll double check that in a sec... nope, I got the first two lines right, but the third is "Just a stranger on the bus" and the fourth is "Trying to make his way home..."

The song is by Joan Osborne, really good shit ;) I think the fact that I like it is really ironic though, I mean I don't even believe in God and here I am listening to a song that praises 'him'... the world does weird shit to us, eh?