ok, here's what I actually posted (actually what I'm about to post but still...)


An interesting topic Chaaken, one that I've thought about a number of times before. I believe the best way to start this is to state my beliefs about god and go on from their...

I do not believe in god.
For a while I wondered why people believed in god even though there is no evidence that it exists. All anyone has that believes is faith, but why? Why would someone believe in god and not believe in magic? Their's the same amount of evidence for both, almost anyway. There's actually some evidence of 'magical' (or paranormal) activity, for instance on the subject of telepathy, experiments have been done wherein two groups of people got together, one group held and looked at cards (their were five different symbols on the cards) and thought about them, attempting to transmit them to members of the other group who would than say which symbol they thought it was. Now with 5 different symbols, you have a 1 in 5 (or 20 percent) chance of getting it right, yet the average of several different studies with thousands of participants is approx 33 percent.

So their's some evidence that telepathy exists, yet no scientifically validated studies have given us any verifiable data that god exists.

So why would anyone believe in something like that? The conclusion I came to was that most people believe in god, because he's an ideal. Something that people can believe in and draw strength from.

See what I think God is all about is strength. God is strength. Not physical strength, but mental/spiritual strength. The ability to overcome obstacles that you could not under your own motivation. But the thing is, why god? When I can?t do something on my own, I think about my friends, my loved ones and people who believe in me. I gain my strength through them, not God, and I do fine. I?ve overcome things that most couldn?t. I?m not saying I?m special or anything, I?m saying I clung to my beliefs. That I did this for my friends, and those cared about me. Those I cared for. I can almost see why people would believe in god, but why not friends who you know exist? Those that can give you what you need, without you having to believe that they really did just give you a hug, or say they believe in you?

Someone posted an interesting question on one of the Bulletin Boards, I'm a member of, an interesting question. Asking about peoples' view of god. I couldn't really decide what to post, but I think this is what I'm gonna post there... though I might edit it a bit more since it's slighty off in the beginning


God. Some prefer to say G-d, but what?s the point? It?s not like God is gonna be offended if he really exists. What?s he gonna say? A foolish mortal has used my name in vain! Die!? ummm yeah sure? Speaking of God, why does everyone believe in him? I mean realistically speaking it?s like believing that you can survive on the sun. The only difference being, there?s a slim chance that you can test that theory. With God, the only way to prove there is a God is if he/she/it appears and tells you that it is God, and than proceeds to prove it in some manner. There is no known way to prove that god exists. You can disprove that you can survive on the sun, but would you want too?

Whether or not god exists? it?s a truly pointless question, and a moot one at that. But what I think the really important question is, is why do so many people believe in it? I mean ok let?s assume god exists, I believe in him, I believe he is the lord almighty and that he created us. What?s it do? What?s the point? Am I suddenly going to become my ideal person? Am I going to be the next savior? Will I find the ?strength? to be a saint? Would I even want to be a saint?

See what I think God is all about is strength. God is strength. Not physical strength, but mental/spiritual strength. The ability to overcome obstacles that you could not under your own motivation. But the thing is, why god? When I can?t do something on my own, I think about my friends, my loved ones and people who believe in me. I gain my strength through them, not God, and I do fine. I?ve overcome things that most couldn?t. I?m not saying I?m special or anything, I?m saying I clung to my beliefs. That I did this for my friends, and those cared about me. Those I cared for. I can almost see why people would believe in god, but why not friends who you know exist? Those that can give you what you need, without you having to believe that they really did just give you a hug, or say they believe in you?

Haven't posted in a while, been kinda busy. Was working on a poem for pyschology - we had to do some form of creative expression to describe a dream. But mine sucked, I couldn't get the imagery to work and my allusions were fucking up :( So I decided to change my focus and do an impromptu play. It was basically two scenes, involving my parents and camp. In the first one all that happened was that i ate dinner with them (silently) and stood up screaming and ran away (into the wall because the classroom isn't that big). In the second one all I did was give a monologue that described what had happened in the dream, with a few little twists and some lively enhancements... Plus some pacing of course ;) and in case anyone wants to see this horrible poem:


Sometimes I wish
Hoping that a heart struck by Cupid's finest arrow
Yet afflicted with a want more than a desire
Not to feel the heat of a lovers cheek upon my breast
But to feel a love, from one who exists, not

Hanging from the edge of the abyss
Knowing what must be done, yet afraid to do it
To save a life, one must die
Moving without thought
Animalistic Instincts take control
An instant before deciding
Surviving

Inside a place of limbo
Static and safe
A Wide open valley
Surrounded by a rainbow of trinkets
A place to stay and rest
Merged.

Two brothers stand alone
Comforted by the bond they share
An unending link of love
Forged by fate
The decree of birth

Tears fall upon the ground
Like unending waves, waterfalls of sorrow
Remorse for time lost


and yeah I know I didn't finish it, I might sometime but I'm not sure. Hopefully tho...


Trying to figure out how to fix my post, I'll research it later...
Peace people

Well, I've been almost totally inactive for the past 2 days and it's been nice sort of, but it's to damn hot to do much. I feel like going swimming so badly, but I'm not really in the mood to do anything. I think I might invite one of my friends over and go swimming tomorow though, unless it's cold out which would be really nice> I also need to dig out some shorts, I'v eonly managed to find One pair so far and it's pissing me off. I bought around 10 pair last year and I can only find one :(

You Are Not Your Fucking Khakis, just popped into my head for some strange reason, no clue why. It sucks not being able to say it to anyone, since not everyone is totally obsessed with Fight Club like a few of my friends are (I'm not but that is just a great quote". Hmmm, nothing really major happened today, got up, went to school, nothing school-wise tommorow though, so I'm happy. Kinda to impatient to add anything now but I'll add something later maybe...

I slept all day today, well, not all day. I actually went to school for once, but after that I slept and slept some more, some weird dreams about A Camp. Not the camp I go to, but some very weird one that was rather small. It was like a 2 room bunk (beds+bathroom) a small open space outside with a basketball hoop and a place for notices under the hoop. And their were these buildings in a U shape connected to the bunk (sort of, I think there might have been a gap between the bunk and the other builds, but than their was an opening where a bus would come through once in a while for trips. Half the people on the bus did pot while on it, and most of them were 10-12 the whole age spectrum was like 7-16 and their was a 7 o clock curfew normally, but their was an 8 o clock curfew once a year because of some basketball event, and everyone got along that day... Some very strange nonsensical stuff in their, oh yeah and I had dinner with my parents even though my father wasn't my father but he was sitting on the left side and my mother was on the right side... I'll see if I remember anything else important about it later, but I don't think it was an earth-shattering revelation in there anywhere...



Lifebane@optononline.net

Someone was telling me before that I write to much, but hey why blame me for being a prolific writer?

Sorry about the rambling last night, I was getting pretty tired (hmm I guess I'm more tired than I thought I was, I had to fight the urge to go formal and say something along the lines of "I must apologize for the rambling..." least I managed to catch it this time, I think I did that a few hours ago to, either that or last night). But I accomplished a decent amount of work so far tonight, I started and finished one project that's due today, and I'm about to start the next one, I've also managed to do at least a partial catalog of my music collection. Found out I have way to much, about a quarter of my hard-drive is just this one folder now... Next I need to sort by genre, or something like that. I'll detail some more shit later, kinda in the mdle of a project and I needed to stop for a minute before I went crazy, but if I take much longer I don't think I'll be able to stop again...

Peace
Lifebane@optonline.net

Yay! Found my watch before, had lost it for like 2 months and I had never even worn it! It was still brand new in the box, which was still in the bag from the store.... parents had buried it with other shit they had bought....

Typed the first paragraph (if you would deign to call that first couple of sentences a paragraph...) out around two hours ago and than I zoned for a bit and forgot about this window, but than I started having this conversation with a friend (two conversations with two separate friends actually, around almost the same topic) about s&m, specifically how much pleasure do you get from the machoistic side of it, and how hardcore do you go? How much pain do you like to feel, and how much is to much... or if you're even into that sort of thing, and I just realized that my last sentence was kind of redundant, but yet again I'm to lazy to fix it. I guess I need to get a good nights sleep for once so that I'm not this bad off tommorow (actually today now). Pretty soon I'll have to hit the sack before I pass out. Such is life though...

I think I might try and write something before I get to sleep, something different, or perhaps continue on with something I've already started? I'm in a rather indecisive state at the moment and I'm not sure how conducive I'd be if I tried to write anything...But I should probably try and force myself to write at least a little bit, I need to have some sort of focus, of course i was going to try and meditate before But I didn't even have the patience to do that. So I think I might just try and exercise a little bit in a couple of minutes.

For the past few days I've slowly been starting to box again, for purely exersational reasons, boxing helps improve cardiovascular fitness an incredible amount while at the same time improve muscular fitness within several different muscle groups throughout the body. And another benefit of doing the exercises is that I get to work on my punches, correct any of the mistakes I'm making when I throw punches. Although it isn't like I plan on getting into a fight soon, but you never know and It Is always good to be prepared for anything...

After I do that I might try and meditate again to help me cool down from the workout, either that or collapse onto my bed exhuasted but I doubt I'll be able to do that either since I'm so hyper right now.... But of course I can't be hyper in a normal way, I have to be hyper in my own special way, which is of course typoing faster than I can think and just thinking thoughts that border rambling and when they don't border rambling, they just manage to border sanity... which unfortunetly is something that I think I'm about to cross over into, and I don't wanna be sane :( No fun living normally...

Shit, I started to ramble... 100 percent pure rambling, sorry whoever. I guess I'll have to force myself to stop now before I start saying things that actually are random, as opposed to the things that I say that appear to be random to a spectator and believe me none of this is truly random, it's all just how my mind happens to work, skipping around constantly.

And even though I risk rambling again I think I'll talk about my mind and how I perceive it to work for a minute or so, or at least thoughts that I was having about it before. I was thinking about one of the pyschological dream theories called Activation-Synthesis, wherein memories are randomly activated and from this a dream is formed connecting all the events together. Earlier I was speculating on how my mind seems to work in the same sort of fashion, because half of my thoughts seem to have no direct correlation with the next one... Don't you just wander sometimes, where those random thoughts that make virtually no sense in the context of your mind happen to come from? I certainly do, all the time...

Ok, now I'm gonna quit before I ramble even more, night people...

Lifebane@optonline.net