god... I need more time in the day. I guess I really need to start a normal routine with a semi-regular bedtime, and a time to wake up at. I wake up and fall asleep at totally random times, for no apparent reason. hmm... nothing's going on that's worth mentioning, I haven't remembered any of my dreams in a few days, and I haven't even had any philosophical revelations lately... what's this world coming to when I can't realize that the answer is 42 and transcend my mortal shell and become omnipotent? I mean... maybe I might need to throw in a little ritual sacrifice of a few thousand, or even a few billion people. But what's that matter? When I can get all the power I want... POOOWWWWWWwwWWWWERRR! or something like that ;) I need to go out and do something before I go crazy, but I'm to lazy and my freaken legs hurt to much...

I played catcher in a softball game, for both teams since we had an odd number of players. So that totally killed my legs, but of course that's a good thing since I need the exercise ;) But during the game I got hit in the shins with a ball, so my ankles all swollen now, and than after that I got hit in the balls with a ball, which was a nice little highlight of the game :) so I stumbled to athletic trainers office and got a ton of ice after the game, got my ankle wrapped for a few hours to help with the swelling. I can walk on my ankle now, but it hurts like a mofo to walk on it but I'm ignoring the pain for the most part. It's just an annoyance now, nothing major even if it still hurts like a bitch. I'm unfortunetly going to have to take it easy today or else it'll probably stifen up by tommorow and That Would be a pain in the ass.

Listening to Nassaja by Scooter, such an incredible band, I'd love to see them in person sometime, although I guess I should just check out some of there previous concerts first just to see if they're any good in person. I'd love to see them and Styx though...

ah, damnit, gotta do something. So I guess I'll end this post at the half-way point ;) cya voices



Lifebane@optonline.net


(or is that hear ya voices?)

Went to the LSC (Liberty Science Center for you non-new jersians) had a sweet time, I got bored near the end but overall it was good. Especially since it gave me a nie break, and I got the chance to meditate on the way up for about 45 minutes.

My meditational abilities are really starting to improve apparently, I'm getting more and more refreshed and relaxed as time goes on. Also I'm starting to more fully immerse myself internally, concentrating on internal as opposed to external stimuli. I'm worried about going to deep though, so I'm going to try and concentrate on external stimuli for now.

I haven't had a good nights sleep in about 3 days now, which partially explains my near-complete lack of abilities to articulate myself, especially on this site. I'm unable to really expand on anything without getting a huge headache, which normally I wouldn't care about but I'm to tired to deal with a headache right now. I'm gonna try and get enough enough sleep for once tonight. I'd love to just sleep for about 10 hours tonight/tommorow but I don't think that's gonna happen either...

Just found out one of my young friends is moving, 7th or 8th grader so it's gonna really suck for him, he's gonna have to go into a new school (most likely), high school more specifically soon, and it's bad enough transitioning to highschool without having to deal with a new town too. Maybe he'll be lucky and move to a town with a 10-12 high school. I'm kinda hoping he moves closer to me also, right now we're about 4 hours away from each other, so I only rarely see him. It'd be Really Freaken nice if he moved to NJ but that isn't gonna happen. If he moves farther away though, I'm gonna bitch-slap him. Talking to him online now, although of course as soon as I say this he goes afk, he just loves to perturb me I think, of course most of my friends do, even if very few of them manage to do it effectively and repeatedly... My friend Jason is one of the best at it, I love him like a little brother and I'm pretty sure he knows it, because he takes advantage of me in every single possible way he can think of. He tends to either ignore me or constantly talk to me (not like I'm complaining about that, or any of this really), and half the time when he talks to me it's just to screw with my mind in some way. He's really fucking good at it, not like I'd ever admit that to him, or I'd probably be walking around in a dazed state with my eyes glazed over most of the time. Freaken smart kid ;)

Now that I've rambled on about two people for a good half-hour while watching tv, I'll end this and post it to my online brain...


Lifebane@optonline.net

no time today, or for the past few days... god I need to get back into a normal routine again... I'll do something tommorow hopefully, I haven't even been on the computer in two days for more than an hour :( So I'm behind on a lot of shit... and i still forgot to do researcho n this fucking thing... :( ah well g'night people ;)

To much happens in life to quick sometimes, even when it's really nothing going on of true importance. How much is it gonna matter who I talked to five years from now? But something like this, it's tangible. It has a potential to effect me later on in life, even if it's in subtle ways. Such as a chance to improve my writing style. I wish more shit that I did would effect me later on, but I guess till I manage to Decide on a few Major issues I can't really have that experience. I guess I need to sit down and think and than decide and finally Act. It's so hard sometimes... all the planning in the world isn't enough to help you gather the courage to do some things and certain things Need to be done, even if it's not the way you want to do them.

You know the saying "Tis better to have loved and lost than never have to loved at all"? I can't decide whether or not I agree with that statement, on one hand you have the joy of loving someone, the ever present feeling that you have another half, someone who can understand you, even if They don't know it. But on the other hand you have the fear of rejection, the phobia that when you talk to them they'll laugh and enjoy your suffering at their hands.

More random rambling (alliteration, woohoo!) yay ;) Something else, Something more, some other time...


Lifebane@optonline.net